I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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