your parents love me but you hate me
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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