Whod you bang
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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