She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
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Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
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I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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