i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
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