I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
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Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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