Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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