she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
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Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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