and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize