Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
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he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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