Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize