Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize