There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
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Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
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composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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