Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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