Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Randomize