Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize