Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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