we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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