Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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