You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
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I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
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The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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