I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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