I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
she smelled like a LAN party
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
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I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
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Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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