matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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