My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
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He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
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One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
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