Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
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he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
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It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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