I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize