your room smells of hookers.
And success
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
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Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
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I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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