Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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