i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize