What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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