Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
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We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
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My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
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