i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
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Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
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It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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