in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
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He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
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Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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