i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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