I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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