I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
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He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
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Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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