Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize