the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
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Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
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I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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