Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
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Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
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A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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