mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
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