I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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