I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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