Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You were trust falling into bushes
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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