I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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