I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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