I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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