I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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