wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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