i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
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I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
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GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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