My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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